San Diego Couples Therapist Lana Veyts
Successful relationships require good communication skills and a commitment to finding solutions for the problems or disagreements that inevitably arise. Recognizing the need for therapy empowers couples to address the issues that may be putting a strain on their relationship and ultimately brings about a deeper understanding of one another. The boundaries as well as the desires of each person must be vocalized and the inability to do this is one of the major reasons couples have break downs in their relationships. Therapy facilitates open and honest dialogue that enhances feelings of security and trust between partners and benefits clients both as couples as well as individuals.
The goal of couples therapy/marriage counseling is to explore the dynamics of a relationship as well as the conflicts that need to be resolved. The connection between two people is important and many times must be revitalized by learning effective communications skills. Nurturing a relationship that has broken down back to health is a complex process that can be better maintained with the help of a professional therapist.
Creating lasting intimacy and forging a stronger bond among couples is the goal of the counseling process. Restoring a true connection with one another and enjoying a fulfilling partnership for the long term can bring harmony back to a troubled relationship.
- Lack of Communications
- Sexual Dysfunction
- Intimacy Issues
- Infidelity
- Frequent Arguing
- Financial Difficulties
- Parenting
- Commitment Issues
- Premarital Counseling
Lack of Communication
A committed relationship means there is a deep connection between two people that is worth the effort to cultivate and maintain. This commitment many times also means that there will be periods of conflict. Disagreements in relationships are not uncommon and with effective communication can be resolved in a healthy way. Frequent fighting usually means there has been a break down of communications and this can be tremendously damaging to a relationship.
In therapy couples are given the opportunity to transform negatives into positives and open up channels of communication to promote healing and growth. Couples therapy offers a safe environment free of shame and criticism. Couples will learn the skills to solve conflicts while enriching their partnership and tapping into the intimacy the relationship might be lacking. Couples come to a better understanding of themselves as well as each other and the renewed connection will be a catalyst for relationship to grow in intimacy and love.
Sexual Dysfunctions
Sexuality is vital to any relationship and when one or both partners have lost desire or the ability to be intimate it can be an embarrassing and hurtful source of discord. Those experiencing problems such as erectile dysfunction, hormonal imbalance, loss of desire, inability to achieve orgasm or inability to become intimate often find addressing the issue difficult and the wedge between a couple can move them farther apart. Psychotherapy can work through many of the issues that may be the underlying reasons for sexual dysfunction.
Couples therapy will provide relationships with the proper guidance to explore and become comfortable talking about the problems that are troubling them. Sexual dysfunction is most often a symptom of unresolved matters within the relationship. By learning new communications skills couples will uncover the true issues that are keeping them from reaching their fullest potential. Healing is the best way to renew intimacy and as each partner grows and becomes more self aware they are able to come together as a stronger and more connected couple.
Intimacy Issues
Many couples experience problems with intimacy at one time or another in a relationship. However, when these periods become prolonged and are happening with frequency, therapy can provide a support system to rebuild the connection and intimacy that is lost.
Intimacy is a process that grows and changes over time. There are many types of intimacy other than sexual intimacy. Sharing feelings and empathizing with the other person can be considered intimate interaction as well as sex and sensuality. Having private moments with one another and knowing what each partner finds pleasurable or interesting is another form of intimacy all couples aspire to achieve. However if there are difficulties in a relationship all of those intimate moments can be pushed side and replaced by anger or resentment.
Therapy provides a forum where grievances can be aired with the guidance of a psychotherapist and can be explored in a safe environment. Finding resolution and healing will allow intimacy back into the relationship where it can begin to grow deeper and more fulfilling.
Infidelity
Infidelity is a complex situation that brings with it many feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, jealousy and inadequacy. When a spouse or partner cheats the trust is broken and it is important that it be restored for the relationship to move ahead.
Infidelity is confusing to many couples who believe their actions and behaviors are better left forgotten than worked through to any kind of resolution. Committed relationships can heal from affairs but it requires time and a commitment to reopen the channels of communication so that healing can take place and trust, respect and true intimacy once again have the fertile ground to grow on.
Therapy will facilitate couples to start laying the foundation on which to rebuild the future of their relationship. It is a mistake to automatically believe that infidelity is the sole responsibility of the betrayer and for the health of a relationship both parties must reevaluate priorities while working through the root causes for the affair.
In therapy couples will be provided a safe environment and learn to take responsibility for their feelings and as well as the role they play in the relationship. Each partner will explore the issues that brought about the infidelity and learn how they can move passed the hurt on to a more supportive, honest and loving relationship.
Frequent Arguing
There is a certain amount of arguing that is normal and healthy in a relationship, but when the fighting turns into a routine or intensifies over time it becomes detrimental to the relationship and in dire need of repair. The most common cause of couples to argue and fight excessively is money, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, goal differentiation and poor communication. Arguing uncontrollably can cause severe problems in relationships if not worked through to resolution. Every person has a different attitude when it comes to how to handle the every day issues they face, and when there are major discrepancies it can be a source of contention that needs to be addressed.
Therapy will provide a safe environment to work through these issues without the danger of the dialogue escalating into an argument. Partners will learn new communication skills and come to a better understanding of how to approach one another in a productive and solution based manner that will enhance their ability to discuss and face conflict with positive results.
Financial Difficulties
Studies have found that financial problems are the number one source for problems in a relationship. A relationship requires that two people must come together with a common goal and when dealing with financial issues this can be very emotional and difficult to achieve. Financial burdens place a tremendous strain on relationships and two people may have very different opinions about how to manage their money. Developing a strategy to open up communication and set priorities between couples will lead to better management of the relationship as a whole.
In therapy, couples will have an objective party guide them through all of the points of contention that are putting a strain on the relationship. They will explore their own beliefs concerning finances as well as have the opportunity to share these values in a structured environment. They will reestablish priorities and learn new skills to communicate fears, desires and goals as well as their hopes for the future. This improved cooperative mind set helps take relationships out of the negative and into the positive territory of a shared value system.
Parenting
Children are the focus of many relationships and couples certainly have their work cut out for them in regards to raising them to be healthy and happy. As much joy as they bring they can also add many responsibilities and place strain on a relationship. However improving communication about the goals of the child rearing process can bring a deeper understanding between partners and relieve the tensions that are causing friction in the relationship
Therapy allows couples to openly share these ideas about raising and disciplining children without placing blame on one another for the inevitable problems that naturally occur. Establishing a deeper understanding of what each partner’s expectations are and finding a common ground creates a cooperative partnership which is reflected in a more stable and healthy family.
Commitment Issues
Committing to a relationship completely with a sincere desire to cultivate it into something that is enduring is a big step for many individuals. Before entering into a committed relationship couples tend to bring high expectations and often need help in setting realistic goals for their partnership.
Therapy provides couples with a forum to discuss the issues they are having problems with as well as what roles they envision their future partner playing in their lives. Having the guidance of a professional will help them explore what they want and expect from the relationship while indentifying the barriers preventing them from forging a stronger and long-lasting commitment.
Premarital Counseling
Marriage is a transition that takes preparation as well a commitment. Experience feelings of doubt and anxiety is natural but can place unnecessary stress on a couple. Planning a wedding is often a demanding and emotionally charged time that can cause a lot of conflict and confusion. Getting caught up in all of the details of the impending nuptials often leads couples to lose sight of what is important to the future of their relationship and their commitment to spend their lives together.
In therapy couples are given a safe environment to discuss topics such as core values and perceived goals while establishing a forum for open communication that will lead to a better understanding of one another. Creating the framework for a smoother transition during the planning process is an ideal way to lay the foundation for a loving and more secure marriage.
Lana provides counseling and therapy for teens, adults, couples and families. She treats depression, anxiety, grief, trauma, eating disorders/ weight management, stress management, personal growth, self-esteem, family counseling, couples therapy and pain management.
Lana serves the greater San Diego area including La Jolla, University City, Clairemont, Kearny Mesa, Mira Mesa, UTC, Sorrento Valley, Carmel Valley, Del Mar, Pacific Beach, Ocean Beach, and Point Loma.